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Transition

It’s been a whole four months since I posted on this perform. I haven’t been the most active of bloggers and I do get anxious and worried about others thoughts on what I post.

Breath Jackie. You are okay.

From my social media, I have been sharing updates: I was in transition to moving to Seattle, my grandfather passed away, my second niece came to this world, and these last few months, I wanted to have the headspace to write and blog and thought maybe blogging for me would be done. I don’t want that to be the case. So here I am writing this blog post at a random coffee shop in Seattle because I don’t have access to Wifi in my current apartment. How did this transition happen? Let me explain:

7 Year Desire:

One day when I was 19 years old, just a freshman at Mt. Hood Community College, I did wake up and thought, “I want to move to Seattle.” I would tell people that and they would ask why. “just because.” Was the only answer I could give them. I visited a few times and always enjoyed my visits. My weekend trip to Bellingham constant of me going to Seattle for the day and when my friend and I also didn’t go, I was bummed. Seattle has been my favorite city to visit. Was joyful I got the chance to make it happen.

Change in the Horizon:

I knew a change was on the horizon for me back in September. I knew turning 26 meant something. I wasn’t sure what that meant yet. Move out of my comfortable home in SE Portland? Move back with my parents? Move out of Portland? Move out of Oregon in general? I did do the Nashville trip for that purpose- and discovered it was not my city but I wouldn’t have known unless I went. I was happy with my current living situation and didn’t want to leave. However, I knew by 2019 something was going to be different. February came and the first month of the year was the longest month (January usually is) and my roommates told me that they were going to put the house up for sale in April. I was not surprised because they have been experiencing their own transition and I saw it coming that they would sell the house to move back to their hometown. I was not being active with my transition unlit the retailer came to see the house and my roommates were getting ready to begin the process of prepping and staging the house. I wanted to act fast so I decided to check out if I could move up to Bellingham Washington. I looked on Craigslist and was trying to find a space I felt that would be ideal for me and I found one. I also contacted a nanny agency in the area to see what opportunities I had to be a nanny up there. The people I message about the room didn’t get back to me. I was placing all my eggs in this one basket but when I didn’t hear back from and saw the same place on a Facebook for renting rooms in Bellingham and the room was sold after I gave the message the same people again. I wasn’t disappointed though. I decided to see it as “Bellingham was meant to be. At least for now.”

As my roommates were starting on the process of getting the house ready for staging by buying new items and fixing up things they have been postponing for a while, I was thinking about another place I knew I could always move to and be welcomed, Medford Oregon. I have family that lives down there, I know what church I would go to and I did know some other people outside of my family there also. I was feeling this peace about moving down to Medford and I felt I should go it and move down. I was sleeking nanny agencies in the Medford area and I wanted to it to work out but I felt like I was making this choice to quickly. I was just thinking of moving to Bellingham then Medford. I was unsure what my transition was going to be like, so upon Lent season (six-and-a-half weeks prepping for Easter), I told me myself I will pray and disrim what my next step will be. I felt good about using the Lent season to have God and His spirit guild me in what do next.

One Week Later: 

A week later after thinking, I’ll take time to decide what I wanted to do I was on my laptop watching YouTube and Seattle popped in my mind. I was remembering about my desire to move up to Seattle and how I always wanted to move up for a while. I decided to look up nanny agencies in the area and I applied to two in the Seattle area. I was not expecting to hear back from the agencies until the next day both contacted me right away. One called me and was super excited to work with because my resume looked great. That got me excited to work with the agencies and I really hope to find the right job. Next step was to look for a room to live in. I needed to live with people who shared my same faith but I was desperate to find a place. I did find some random website called Roomies and Roomster which was a mistake. I didn’t deactivate my account on Roomster but I made the mistake of leaving my phone number. I was receiving a text message at the middle of the night from strangers who didn’t even have an area code in the Seattle area. I know they probably were people who moved to Seattle but the fact that every number was someone from the East Coast and I was receiving some messages such as, “Hi how are you?” at 3 am. My high functioning anxiety and worst-case scenario mind were being active. I was not going to take my chances.

The following week, I did get a phone screening with the other agency and I planned to go down to Seattle for the last week of March. The plan to move down was becoming more of a reality. My anxiety was also going up. I needed a place and the 2 roommate finding performs I found were terrible. I needed to find a place and I found two Facebook groups, one was a typical group for sublease and rooms for rent, and the other was from a church located in Seattle that post listing for rooms, and other things people are trying to sell. I message about a handful of people about me moving up to Seattle and my goal to start life anew more up north and there were a few people who messaged me in a reasonable time. I stayed in touch with them and I was still needing to do a few more things before heading up to Seattle for a week to figure things out.

My roommates were staging the house and I agreed to move to the upstairs room and have a majority of things packed and put away in storage. They were going to stage my room which was a basement was an “Air BnB” for marketing reasons.  I was in the start of packing up my things, still needing to fill out a nanny application for one of the agencies I applied to. I also ended up working 5 days that week before my trip to Seattle. I felt like I handling a lot and for someone who doesn’t manage stress well, I knew that week was going to busy. I did find time for self-care and I was making time for packing and filling out the nanny application. I was feeling the pressure of needing to get everything. My roommates needed my room clear for they can start working on my room and I was figuring out what should I do to make with a lot of my things. I was feeling overwhelmed by the time pressure and items I had yet to pack and my roommates were kind enough and wanted to help me finish packing. I was relieved and almost cried because I was thankful for their kindness. We worked together and I got all my stuff packed. I was filling less pressure on my shoulders when I turned in my nanny application that night. Or so I thought. Something went wrong with the nanny application and the agency got a blanketed application. I was embarrassed and that’s when I started to feel like things were finally falling apart. I was trying to figure out how I was going to find a place and a job in Seattle, I was trying to do my best to “adult” and be responsible but I couldn’t handle the stress I was feeling and wanted clarity that everything was going to be okay.

The nanny application wasn’t a dealbreaker for the agency and I told them what went wrong and they were understanding and just needed my application in before my interview in person. I was not going to work on the application right away. I needed to care for myself. I decided to go to a local coffee shop and journal and read for a bit there so that way I could feel more at peace with this transition. As I was writing down my stress I realized I was feeling scared. I was scared that my plan to move to Seattle will fall apart. I was worried things were not going to the way I hoped. Then I realized I was having issues with trust. I felt like I was not able to trust God with this transition and I felt like I was taking this matter into my own hands. With hot tears in the corner of a coffee shop, I wrote down in my journal “God I feel like I can’t trust you.” That’s when the tears started to come down more. I didn’t want to feel that way. I really wanted to trust God with this transition and I felt guilty to even say that I couldn’t trust Him. I know I keep saying that God is good in this season but I realized that I was a liar. I didn’t know why God wanted me when I couldn’t trust Him. Somehow though I was realizing that I can trust God. That meltdown was probably needed. I felt the spirit was starting to tell me that everything was going to be okay. I had to trust that and I was more comfortable to put my trust in God.

A few days went by and I was up in Seattle! A friend of mine had a family friend I could stay in Auburn Washington (30-40 minutes away from Seattle). The people I stayed with were the kindness and most welcoming people I have encountered as a visitor and just someone who needed a place to crash. They were open to having my help myself to their food and coffee and were aware of some of my allergies. They were owners of two cats, and… you can see where this is going. The room I stayed in had a door that wasn’t closing too well and my first night, I was chasing cats out of my room. The ladies told me that the cats are used to going into the room I was staying in and that’s why they ended playing in that room. My allergies were acting up from the cats. I was sneezing and my eyes were itchly and I couldn’t help BUT touch my eyes. I know that was a terrible idea. What made my night worse was I rubbed digize esstisal oils from Young Living on my tummy and the oils are crytisilies and touch my face while having the oils on my hands. My face was burning and my breathing was heavy. Somehow I fell asleep and I woke to a puffy face with eyes that could barely open. Also, here’s the kicker, that morning I woke up, I had a nanny interview with the agency I sent the blank application too in less then 3 hours. I put on EVERY SINGLE FACE MAKEUP I OWNED. Tint moisture, my homdmade BB cream, concluer, and foundation. Thank the Lord for makeup at the moment. I still felt like a mess but I had to get out and I was driving up to the interview that happened to be in Kirkland Washington which is right outside Seattle.  I was about a 40-minute drive and I was puffy faced and I knew my drive there would probably be stressful… which it was correct. I also had trouble finding the location. I called the agency and told them I was in the area but couldn’t find the office. I was gently directed where to go and I found it! Now time for the interview. Was I nervous? Yes. I was asked questions about working under surveillance, my driving history, allergies (I said pollen. I never tell families I’m allergic to their pets. I fear I’ll receive fewer jobs so I just take an allergy pill and suck it up). I also forgot to have my passport and car insurance card with me ready to be photocopied  (I can’t remember if they ask me to have that ready). I was able to calm down as the interview was going on and they were aware I had another nanny interview with another agency the next day. They informed me to let them know if I’ll carry on with them or not. It does take the time to create a profile for their nannies so if I continue on with another agency, they were taking up their resources helping me. I did feel bad because from my phone conservation with the first agency I applied to, they were excited to have me on board and I felt I was a shoo-in.

After my interview, I headed to check out my first apartment which was located in Capitol Hill. It’s a cool and trendy area, with a lot of restaurants, coffee shops, and local shops all around. The apartment had enough space but the living situation was unique. I was a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom that had a good with a bunk bed and 2 women per room. The living situation didn’t sound like something I’ll go for in the first place but I was feeling this peace about the apartment and the vibe. The person I was taking the sublease from confirmed that because of the fact that we have to share a room and the space others, we all understand that privacy and respect it a must. I didn’t want to say “yes” because I knew I had to check out at least 2 other places.

The next day I was calmer and ready for my next nanny interview. The area was in Green Lake which was the original place I was looking to live in until I realized the cost of living in Green Lake, I clicked on the back button with my head as if I was shamefully walking away from an embarrassing situation. I finally found some parking and found the place for my interview. I realized on my way up I should have a check-in with the agency to confirm I was still coming but the owner and I were in communication and planned for it. I walked for my interview and told the people working that I was here for my interview and they were confessed. They told me there was no interview scheduled for today. I was worried and the other employees including the owner I spoken with came to check-in to see what the issue was. I did tell them I was in contacted with the owner and scheduled an interview in advance because I was coming from Portland Oregon. The employees felt bad and did ask if I could give them 30 minutes to get the interview set up. I walked around and got some coffee and came back. My interview lasts for 5 minutes and that was it. They did tell me they’ll reach out to me by next week. I was surprised by that interview fast pace and not giving me enough time to really get to know me.

After my interview, I hung out around Green Lake and was getting last minute details and references to the first agency I meant. I checked out two other places to live. One was a condo in Queen Annes and the other was an extra room in Kirkland. I was not too excited about the idea of living outside of Seattle. I do want to live in Seattle at least starting off and getting my feet wet. I checked the place in Queen Annes first. The place was a 3 bedroom, one bathroom. I would have had my own room and the could-be roommate who was the place was super kind and sweet. We both had a background in working with children. She was a teacher and did babysitting on the side, I, of course, am a nanny with experience working with children in group care and preschool. I really did like her and enjoyed my time talking with her. I did tell her I was going to check out one last place and will let her know what I decided by the end of the week.

The last location on my list was Kirkland and it was stressful trying getting that the location of Kirkland. I did miss th